Ten years ago (I’m totally aging myself), I boldly walked into my first interview as a new nurse, ready to start my career. I was passionate about changing the world and what better way to do that than at the bedside. As time went by, I gained the confidence and experience necessary to advance my career. I went back to school to obtain a Master’s Degree in Nursing and met my husband in the process. I went on to pursue higher career goals. As I moved away from bedside nursing into teaching and management, I realized that nursing, for me, was about people. I wasn’t content to sit at a desk. So after landing a prestigious, high-paying management job, I went back to the bedside.
My husband and I traveled the world, and again, I used my experience and skills at the bedside overseas. We loved the cultural experience of living abroad. I was challenged in so many new ways. I met the most amazing people, who I still keep in contact with today. They became my family…my home away from home. We talked it over and made preparations to stay. And then we found out I was expecting our son.
Nothing that I have ever done, has molded me as much as becoming a parent. I thought I was selfless…I realized I’m selfish. I thought I was patient…I realized I am impatient. The self-realization that comes with having a child is life-changing. Never have I wanted to work on myself more than when my son was born.
I’ve been a nurse for almost ten years. I have the knowledge, skills, and experience to do great things in my career. And oh, did I mention how comfortable our life could be? But my passion…where I want to be at the end of the day…is home with my two babies. I want to be at home reading and coloring and playing with my son. I want to take him to the park and the zoo and our local museums. I want to be there when my daughter gives us her first “real” smile and rolls over for the first time and starts to crawl. I don’t want to read about them on a progress note from a day care center. I don’t want to miss a single moment because I can’t go back. There are no do overs. These moments…these precious moments when my babies are little are here and then gone. But nobody’s employing women to do the task…the very difficult but so rewarding task of mothering.
So, I’m at an impasse.
I’m highly skilled to do so many things…but my passion…requires none of them.
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Awww…I loved this post Caryn. Big hugs to you and your beautiful family! 🙂
I understand! Your job sounds way more rewarding than mine was, so I can see why it’s a hard decision! I haven’t regretted staying home after my second was born. It’s so awesome to see all his firsts!
I completely agree with you Caryn, but I think I am at the point where I want to do something for me now!
Wow! How similar are our lives! I practiced for 11 years before leaving the nursing workforce to raise my baby girl. I, too, have been removed from direct patient care and interaction and disliked it. I miss the camaraderie of my co-workers and the connection to my patients. But, despite my mommy friends urging me to put my little one in day care as well, I just don’t want to miss a thing. Even the tantrums.
I can so relate to this post! I am really struggling with my desire to get to spend more time with my baby girl. She is growing so unbelievably fast, and I just can’t imagine that on my death bed I will wish that I had spent more time at the office, but I will wish that I had spent more time with my children when they were young.
Ah, such tough decisions. I will pray that you find peace in your choice.
This was a beautiful and fascinating post, by the way. I loved hearing more about your [extensive] education and your [expansive] travel experiences. You are such an interesting person…and your kids are fortunate to have you as their mom!
P.S. Love that photo of your little girl. She is a beauty.
Such a beautiful post… You had me in tears. Since I had gotten divorced when my kids were young, I HAD to work to help support myself and missed lots of those things you spoke about. If there is any way you can be at home with them, try it, you will definitely NOT regret it. 🙂