You’re at a stand still, You’re at an impasse
Your mountain of dreams, seems harder to climb
Susan Ashton
When I was a little girl, I dreamed about all the things I would do. I wanted to sing and dance and travel the world. But do you know what I wanted even more than all of those things? To get married and have a family. I’m 31…whew…that’s hard to write down. In those 31 years, I’ve managed to travel to over 20 countries, obtain a Master’s degree, work for 9 years as an Obstetrics and NICU RN, get married, and have a child (with one on the way). I’m sure I’ve done much more than that, but those are the things that stand out in my mind as major life accomplishments.
As I start thinking and preparing for baby number 2, I’m increasingly drawn to the idea of staying home with my babies. I have no idea if this is financially feasible. I have no idea if I’m ready to walk away from almost 10 years as a health care professional, knowing that each moment I’m away from the industry means detachment from an ever-changing field. All I know is that babies are only babies for a short time. They grow so quickly and in less than 5 years they’re at school 5 days a week. Can I walk away from my profession for 5 years of my life, to focus on the responsibility I’ve been given as a parent…as a mother?
Honestly, I don’t know. I hesitate for more than one reason, the biggest being finances. We live in Southern California where the weather is warm and there is always something to do. We live comfortably, but not lavishly. If I didn’t work, I have no idea IF we’d even be able to make it here. We could cut here and cut there…but would that be enough? Would that be enough for ME? I like comfortable. I like flexibility. I like the ability to eat out if I don’t feel like cooking, or purchase organic varieties to conventional foods or take a mini vacation on a whim. But do I like those things more than my desire to stay home and raise my children? I don’t think so.
So…I sit here with so many questions. Do I opt for something in the middle, like a work-at-home position? Do we consider the possibly (gasp!) of moving out of state so I can stay home? I’m at a crossroads and we have less than 6 months to figure it all out…
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I worked after my first son was born because I thought I had to. With my last one, I have stayed home, and boy has it been a change! I have saw so much that I missed with my first, getting to be a part of every moment of his life. Not that it’s always easy, he can get pretty cranky sometimes, lol!
I was like you and didn’t know if we could make it financially. But, we tried, and so far have made it. We have done this on less than 30k a year. Shocking, huh? I know we live in totally different situations and I’m sure California is much more expensive. But, if you really want to, I am sure you could do it. There will probably be sacrifices. We have very old cars and hardly ever go out to eat anymore. That was a big change from having fairly new cars and eating out several times a week. But, I think it’s been worth it.
Good luck with your decision!
Sounds like a tough decision, I wish you good luck!
Just my opinion, but I would just start by putting all the figures down on paper and seeing if it can be done. Would you save money on daycare? I am sure you could find some sort of work from home position if you need to, there is a huge network here in blog land that could probably help! (Sorry I am not one of them).
In hind sight I would have loved to stay home with my kids, but it was just not feasible for us to do!
Wow 31 and all those accomplishments!!! sounds like you should kick back and enjoy some other things in life. I’m 44 and was a work a holic for years and thankfully the company i worked for closed because i would’ve never known what i was missing out on. I have been a stay at home mother for 4 years now and have the same amount of money when i was working which is 0 I found alot of my money was going in the gas tank, eating out, and spending it on my kids out of guilt of not being here i didn’t have anything left anyway. It is possible to have your cake and eat it to, have you considered working part time? that may be your answer, you only get one shot for a little while of your kids actually needing you to be there, when they get older, sadley to say i’m going threw this right now, they want their indipendence and you’re not wanted around as much. You may want to think of your options of part time work. Good luck with your dicision I know it is something to think about and congrats on your baby on the way : )
That’s a big decision to make. Have you considered working just part time? I know California can be expensive (we used to live there).
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for almost 6 years. It can be stressful at times, but I am so thankful I can be there with my boys. You’re in my thoughts and prayers 🙂
This is probably the toughest choice a Mom has to make! My 3 boys are grown now,so I’m able to look from the outside in & look back to my life with 3 small boys. Although I was a single Mom we do have a lot in common. I too, wanted to sing & dance my way thru life BUT also only ever thought about being a Mommy first. I did not have the choice to not work & therefore it was all I thought about. It did make me a better Mommy when I was home. I did picnic dinner days & of course,game night & movie night. This was all a wonderful thing until they got big enough that they wanted to do things with their friends more than be with Mom. Oh I was always the “actress” & can remember “crying” that no one wanted to be with their mommy anymore! LOL I can only tell you that as long as you work,you’ll wonder if you should………then if you’re home, you’ll miss the money & the ability to go & do something with the children. It’s a no win situation……….soooo we then come back to what I would do if I could do it over again…………I would work,less IF I could………..it’s keeps you YOU & it does help with your patience & gives you the real want to be with & do things with your children. They WILL grow up before you know it, so keep a journal….OMG! I can’t believe I said that….LOL…a BLOG with all the things you don’t want to forget, because you will…I’m SO thrilled that I did write down so much of their funny & heart warming things they did as boys. On their B’Days…I line up pictures of them growing up & add little “ditty’s” of the things they did & said at each age……..OH yes, it’s a Mother’s JOY to do this…..in so many ways! OK, I’m sorry I wrote a novel….I get so carried away with the children posts!
God bless you for thinking so clearly at such a time of flux in your life. May your wisdom and love for your family guide you in your decision, and know that you will make the best right choice for you and your family. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad one way or the other no matter WHAT you chose.
Have a wonderful holiday weekend!!
talk to your husband and really listen to your hearts. you can never get your children’s childhood back. i didn’t start to homeschool my daughter until the 4th grade, the jobs i had at the time just didn’t work for that lifestyle. the thing i most loved, in the beginning, about having her home was getting to know who she was again. it surprised me just how much i didn’t really know her because she was away at school all day and i worked so much outside the home. i love having her here and she’ll be gone before i know it. i’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
You know your situation and I have every confidence that you will choose what meets the overall needs of your family! Be confident in your choice and don’t let anyone place false guilt on your head because you didn’t do what THEY thought was best.
I have a 5 month old and I have made the decision to stay home. I was always VERY career focused so it’s been very difficult to make the transition. My career defined me. I miss earning a paycheck. We can get by without my income but the money from 2 incomes would certainly be nice. But I don’t miss working. When my son wakes up from a nap and smiles when he sees my face, there is no where else in the world that I would rather be. It’s a very personal decision. I came to the decision by looking 20 years down the road. I knew that I would never regret missing out on work. But I would regret missing my kids. No matter what you choose, others judge you for it. Best of luck to you!
You have done a lot in your 31 years, Caryn. You should be very proud. I am super happy to know you.
Best wishes as you make the decision that is best for you and your family.
What I can say is that being at home all the time with my girls has been awesome – an incredible, breathtaking, beautiful adventure that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
P.S. Have you considered Arizona? It’s a lovely place – full of sunshine and happiness. And it’s close to California. Oh, and close to me. 😉
I stopped working just over 4 years ago, when my youngest was 5 months old and I don’t regret it for a second. At first we did have to sacrifice a lot, but within 2 years my husband was actually making more than we both were together. I’m not sure if it’s because he was happier and thus more successful in his business (he’s a contractor), or if me helping him from home (think administrative assistant – checking email, sending faxes once in a while) made a difference. Anyhow, I love being a SAHM most of the time, though sometimes I do need a break, which I never seem to get, unless you can count locking myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I often feel bad for not doing something to contribute to our finances. My girls aren’t in preschool, so that helps us significantly since preschool is so expensive around here. I know it sounds cliche, but just go with your gut. You’ll feel guilty at times either way..