When does “parenting” begin? Or shall I ask, when did I become a mom? Was it when my tear-filled eyes looked up and met for the first time the most adorable brown eyes I have ever seen from a cold, hard operating table making the previous 14 hours of grueling labor become a distant memory? Was it that first night when we brought our baby boy home from the hospital and woke up with him EVERY hour and a half? I became a mom the moment the pregnancy test showed a positive sign in the window. My life changed that cold rainy day in our Edinburgh flat. I didn’t know how drastically it would change. I didn’t know that the freedom and reckless abandon with which we lived the previous 8 months backpacking all over Europe would become a beautiful memory displayed in pictures, videos, and blogs. I didn’t know that my body would no longer be my own. I didn’t know that I would spend 21 weeks on bedrest trying to give my unborn son the best chance at survival, forgoing everything including my job, my friends, and my freedom. I didn’t know that all my hopes and expectations of how I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth would be shattered only to be replaced by the most intense love I have ever known for someone I had just met. I didn’t know that it was easier to care for my son when he was inside me. I didn’t know that 7 years of nursing experience working with healthy and ill infants would not prepare me for being a mommy to my little boy. I didn’t know the intense drive I would feel to protect my son from anything that would hurt him. I didn’t know that staying home and caring for my baby boy would bring more joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment than any day working on the floor with my patients. And I would do it all over again! Being a mom is hard work. I don’t always have the answers. In fact, so very often I don’t have the answers. But at the end of the day, my baby boy is loved and cherished. We have been given an enormous responsibility to care for this precious life.
Dedicated to my precious baby boy who is a miracle and a blessing from God. I love you Joshua Cian Bailey, Love Mommy
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