Unconventional...and Messy!
I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Baby Wise (it’s actually called On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep), The Happiest Baby on the Block, and The Attachment Parenting Book, all in hopes of gleaning some wisdom on the daunting life-long journey towards perfecting my parenting skills. But nothing could prepare me for the challenges I was to face, particularly when my daughter was born just 2 1/2 years after my son. Despite the long list of books and resources parents can find on everything from sleep training to potty training, there really is no single manual that will tell you precisely how to raise your child. There is no step-by-step program that I as a parent can follow to ensure my children will grow up to be purposeful and confident (believe me, I’ve looked!).
Most of parenting tactics have really been accomplished by trial and error. I mean, what do you do when your child throws a tantrum? Or purposefully avoids the potty and aims for the floor? Or walks up to a complete stranger and hits her (at a carnival!)? Sometimes, when all of the dos and don’ts have been tried, I have to tap into my unconventional parenting tactics.
Some might label us as attachment parents. I nursed both of my children until we were both ready to end that relationship. Most nights, you’ll still find one or both of our children wedged in between us. And…we never, ever spank our children. You can imagine that discipline becomes incredibly challenging. Discipline is where I’ve had to get creative, tapping into all of my resources to ensure that I’m guiding and training without hurting them physically or emotionally. So what do we do when our children behave in ways that are socially unacceptable?
1. We allow or impose consequences. There was a brief moment in time, where my son was getting in trouble at school every. single. day. We were frustrated, confused, and genuinely upset about the fact that our sweet, thoughtful little boy was engaging in behavior that was hurtful to other children. After taking away a number of privileges and not seeing any change in his behavior, we decided to get serious about consequences. For example, my son went through this phase where he would break apart a toy another child had put together with LEGOS. So, at home instead of intervening when his sister would do something similar, we allowed it (briefly). The very first time my daughter took apart something my son had created, he came running to tell me. Because this was around the time when he was getting in trouble every day at school, I first allowed my daughter to do this, then spoke to my son about how he felt when his sister took apart his toy. This wasn’t a behavior I allowed to continue indefinitely, only for a small amount of time to help my son understand what it was like for his friends to have their toy creations taken apart.
2. We distract and divert when it’s appropriate. In many instances, I can pinpoint the origin of my children’s behavior (i.e. hungry, tired, bored, etc.) and taking care of their needs typically resolves the situation. And then there are those instances when they are acting out for no reason at all (at least none that I can identify). This is when I redirect them. Perhaps we’ll go outside to get a change of scenery. Or we’ll stop one activity and move on to something completely different. I don’t really see this as ignoring as much as it is giving them a new environment to help channel their energy, while still sending the message that the behavior they are engaging in is not appropriate for the situation.
3. I take a time out. Sometimes this is simply to save my sanity. But in most instances it sends a message to my son that his behavior is unacceptable and that if he wants mommy to read, play, bake, etc. with him, he’ll have to change it. A time out doesn’t have to be in a physical location. In fact, the very act of interrupting the book we’re reading or the game we’re playing sends the message clearly to my son.
As a mom, I have used tactics that you won’t find anywhere in a book. The combination of trial and error and that innate sense of knowing what your child needs exactly when they need it really guides my approach to parenting my children.
Despite our frustrations, our children are such a joy. Some of our funniest moments as a family involve things our children did or said. To celebrate the launch of The Clorox Lounge, a website hosted by comedian, actress and mom Sherri Shepherd, parents and visitors to the site can enter the Last Comic Sitting Competition and Sweepstakes for a chance to win $10,000 or one of 10 weekly prizes. Do you have a hilarious or crazy parenting tactic? Share it over at The Clorox Lounge through April 22nd, 2012. The site, with humor as it’s focus, features everything you need for comic relief including funny anecdotes, giveaways, coupons, and more.
This is a compensated post written while participating in the SocialMoms and The Clorox Lounge blogging program. For more information on how you can participate, click here.
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Caryn, we are kindred spirits. I do (or attempt to do) the same things!
Distraction gets a lot of flack from people, but they’ve found it is actually one of the most healthy ways to discipline your child.
I take my own timeouts…..When I am hormonal and I’ve skipped breakfast I sometimes cry during them. My kids notice and I feel guilty…but they become little angels to try and cheer me up (sneaky buggers)
I am in the lull between toddlehood and teendom. Things are quiet. Maybe too quiet.
I remember the day when my kids were tweens when I told them to go to their rooms and lock their doors and DO NOT let me in no matter what I said.
I call my time-outs “mom needs to be in her bubble” time. I am dealing with a 12, 9 and 4 year old. They are all different so I have to remember they won’t react the same.
One of my favorite discipline techniques for when my daughters wouldn’t stop bickering–I threatened them with poetry. I’m a poet and have lots of stuff memorized so if they would stop bickering, I’d start reciting. Worked every time. Of course, they may grow up hating poetry or at least certain Shakespearean sonnets and a certain piece by Robert Frost, but I was willing to chance it.
these are great ideas.. everyone’s family dynamics are different but some things are just universal
great post and great ideas!
I have to count to 90 before I react with a “no!” . It helps. I know, 90 seconds is alot.