Awhile back Marian Merritt, Internet safety advocate for Symantec (makers of Norton security software) shared some tips on keeping your children safe online. Many of you had some great questions for her and I thought I’d post those most frequently asked, along with Marian Meritt’s responses. Your questions were relevant and important and I appreciate the time you took to ask them. Please join me in thanking Marian for the time she took to respond.
Q: Should the computer be in the child’s bedroom?
Ideally no, because it can increase the risks a child is willing to take. But realistically with cell phones having web access, this old rule is less valid than it used to be. Make sure you use security software, set filters with younger children and talk to your child about your family’s rules for using the internet.
Q: At what age should a child be on the computer unsupervised?
If they are a child, then never. But the level of supervision varies significantly. With an early web user (ages 5-7) you should monitor very closely the sites they visit, ideally sit side by side as they use the computer until you are sure they have basic skills. You can also learn how to check the computer’s history for added security.
Older children (8-10) can use the computer within your field of vision and you should monitor the sites they visit. They may learn how to defeat any filter you install or clear the history but if you are paying attention, you should notice when this occurs. Ask questions and stay interested in what they do, where they go and who they talk to when online.
Middle schoolers get more freedom but you are still checking the computer’s history and talking a lot about what is ok and not ok online. Make sure they know how to be safe (protecting passwords, keeping private info safe, no talking to strangers, no posting photos, etc).
By the time you have a high school child, your role is to give them a secure computer (including security software) and making sure you are talking about web safety and best practices of cybercitizenship. Talk about online reputations and the permanency of things they post online.
Q: What is the most widely recommended program for filtering or blocking content you don’t want your child to see?
There are filters or parental controls available within your operating system (both PC and Mac), for your web browser and even for your cell phone (check with your provider). If you choose to add a 3rd party applications, make sure you select a reputable one. Norton offers free parental controls for users of Norton 360 and Norton Internet Security.
Q: How do you control older kids from what they do online without feeling too ‘nosey’ all the time?
I doubt any of us can truly achieve “control” over our children but you can educate them and guide what they do when online. Make sure your children know your rules, understand why limitations are in place and are clear on consequences of straying into dangerous web territory. Start “The Talk” with your children as early as you can so they know you are interested in keeping them safe and enjoying the wonderful resources of the internet and technology. In my experience, the homes with the most restrictive web filters and a hovering parent usually have children who do their web surfing and communicating elsewhere.
Q: Do you have any recommendations on child friendly sites that teach children to safely search the net?
There are a number of parent-vetted websites where your children should be able to web surf safely. One example I’ve heard good things about is Kidzui.com. If you want your children to learn more about being safe online, there are great videos and games at IkeepSafe.org’s site and you can arrange for one of their speakers to come to your school.
Q: What suggestions do you have for a child to resist the influence of a friend trying to lead them onto sites you have restricted them from?
It is always difficult for children to fight off peer pressure. Younger children are often successful just saying, “no, my parents won’t let me.” That doesn’t usually work with a middle school child. If the activity is at home, the child should report that “my parents monitor whatever the computer does” but if it’s away from home, the child should suggest another activity, like watching a funny YouTube video or playing a game. The most important thing would be for the child to tell you about it, especially if the activity was a major rule breaker, like viewing online pornography. Anything that makes your child feel uncomfortable should be reported to Mom, Dad or another trusted adult.
Q: What’s the right age for a child to get his first email?
Ah, this is one of the top questions I get, and I think it’s because once one child gets email, all the other kids at school will want it. There really isn’t a magic age but it seems to be very common at age 10.
First, ask yourself if your child is old enough to handle seeing the ugliness of spam messages and knowing how to delete them. Until they have that level of maturity, they should send messages from a “family account.” Next, you should find out if your child’s classmates have email or if the school requires it. Lastly, make sure you have the account password and check the account periodically to see who is sending messages and how active the account is. Some children go and get their own email accounts without telling Mom and Dad or use the messaging in their social networking program instead.
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Another good resource is accountability software. This is a good way to protect the whole family, and set a great example for children:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/06/12/is-filtering-all-there-is-introducing-accountability-software/
He used it tonight and took a couple of steps forward, and his face just lit up as he walked. ,