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It started innocently enough. A little boy began teasing a classmate before school one day. In a matter of seconds, several of his friends joined in and soon, the little boy being teased was physically backed into a corner. While I wouldn’t necessarily say outright that this was bullying, the potential was there. Fortunately, a teacher intervened and each child was talked to about respect for others. But sadly, this isn’t always the case.
Every year, more than 3 million children become victims of bullying, although the number may be higher since it is often underreported.
When does teasing become bullying? How do we educate our children so that they don’t become a bully…or worse…a victim? As a parent to a school-age child, these questions and many more weigh heavily on my mind. I think about the tragic story of Amanda Todd and countless others who suffered repeated physical, verbal, and emotional pain and I want to shield my children from those who might want to harm them.
What is bullying?
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, “bullying includes repeated harmful acts and a real or perceived imbalance of power.” This may take many forms including, but not limited to assault, intimidation, and destruction of property. Bullying doesn’t usually occur as an isolated incident with a single perpetrator/victim. What I found most surprising was the fact that in nearly every instance, there are peers, adults, or community members who know that the victim is being bullied.
Who is at risk for becoming a victim of bullying?
According to StopBullying.gov, victims are often bullied due to some characteristic that sets them apart such as having a physical or learning disability, a personality disorder (i.e. depression, anxiety), or a different race and/or religion.
How will I know if my child is being bullied?
As an only child, there was the potential for me to isolate myself, but my parents created such a climate of openness, that I felt I could talk to them about anything. Even at my children’s young ages, they’ve come home saying things that I would never have expected. It takes a great deal of effort to avoid overreacting so that the lines of communication remain open. In many instances, children who are being bullied do not tell their parents or caregivers. Some of the signs parents should be attuned to include a frequent loss or destruction of personal belongings, regular complaints of headaches and/or stomachaches, difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares, unexplainable injuries, declining grades, the avoidance of recesses or school activities, and getting to school late or unusually early. This list is not exhaustive and parents and caregivers must understand that a child who is being bullied may not exhibit any of these signs.
What should I do if I think my child is being bullied?
Above all, parents must understand bullying is an issue that doesn’t get better with time. Immediate intervention is imperative and that begins by having an open, empathetic conversation with your child. Seek the assistance of another adult if necessary, including parents, teachers, or school administrators. Once parents have gathered factual information from their child about what has occurred, they can begin to determine whether or not the incidents were in fact bullying. If there is an issue of safety, parents should readily seek out assistance from the police and/or a health care provider as deemed necessary. Parents and caregivers should communicate to their child that what has happened to them is not their fault and work on educating and empowering him/her on the correct response should the bullying occur again.
If your child is being bullied, be proactive in working with school administrators to effect a plan that will keep him or her safe.
Bullying is a growing problem both online and in schools. During my time in Arkansas earlier this Fall, Bully director Lee Hirsch sat down with us for an intimate and sobering discussion about the damaging effects of bullying. Having been a victim of bullying as a child, Hirsch was inspired to create the documentary to humanize the issue and provide audiences with a candid look at how bullying has affected the lives of 5 children and their families. Through the film, Hirsch raises awareness about this crisis America’s children are facing and reveals how bullying transcends geographic, racial, ethnic, and economic borders. The film has been shown to 600 faculty, staff and administration at Bentonville High School and 4200 students with a goal of reaching 10 million kids.
Out of the film arose The Bully Project, a social action campaign aimed at stopping bullying nationwide. With a goal of reaching 10 million kids, The Bully Project seeks to create safe, caring, respectful schools and communities through education, communication, and advocacy. In partnership with Facing History and Ourselves, the site offers extensive resources for educators, parents, students, and advocates.
At the heart of this campaign is communication, empathy, and immediate action. Whether you’re a parent, relative, caregiver, or friend, consider visiting The Bully Project (or even watching the film) to glean insight into this growing problem. Each of us can play a part as an advocate to help create a movement where bullying is intolerable.
Images: The Bully Project, The Weinstein Company
Information: Some information/facts obtained via The Bully Project, U.S. Department of Justice, and StopBullying.gov
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