You may have noticed that posting has been light this week. I apologize. Every time I sit down to write (which is usually when my son is napping or asleep for the night), nausea and fatigue take over, rendering me useless. I find myself asking my husband, my mother, my friend Kristin if I was this nauseous, tired, or ineffective when I was pregnant with my son. I frequent the pregnancy websites for answers to questions I should already know. Was it feta or goat cheese that I could eat? Or was it neither? How much weight should I gain this month? Should I even be gaining weight this soon? These questions and more flood my mind…questions I should not be asking myself or anyone else.
I’ve done this before. But somehow I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that this is not the first time. And now I can’t use the “first time mom” excuse for my ignorance. I am experienced…educated. I’m a nurse, after all, with almost 10 years experience in obstetric and neonatal nursing. So why am I constantly asking these questions? Why have I suddenly been overcome by amnesia?
The reality is, if I recalled every moment of my pregnancy in detail, I may not have ventured down this road again. Some women glide through pregnancy, savoring each moment. Others (like me) approach pregnancy with apprehension…dare I say fear? Please don’t think that I’m not happy. Words cannot express the joy I felt this week when we saw our baby’s heartbeat (already!). I can’t imagine never experiencing those first flutters of movement…or the first audible heartbeat….or the first ultrasound where we saw our baby…or the moment my eyes met my son’s for the first time…or the moment I first held him…and nursed him… I can’t imagine never enjoying those experiences again with another child.
So I guess in some ways, this amnesia I’m experiencing may be protective. It may be what helps us preservere through the morning sickness, fatigue, and overall discomfort of pregnancy. And maybe, my husband will cut me some slack when I “forget” to do the dishes.
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I believe you are right – I think if we remembered everything (including the sleepless nights of newborns), we may not have anymore children. My daughter never slept – seriously! I often joked that if she was my first child, I may not have had more (luckily she was my 2nd child!).
I think it is a protective thing. I hope you will feel better – what trimester are you in? One thing I do remember is that I felt pretty good in the 2nd trimester, so I hope you have that to look forward to!
Congrats again girl. I know exactly what you mean the 2nd time around I forgot everything and had to go back and figure it out. I gained weight faster, belly got bigger faster. And my memory was shot.
Oh by the way you won the giveaway on my blog!
I’m sure you’ll feel better in a few more weeks. The second trimester is usually better. I think the amnesia is protective, lol!
You’re doing great, Caryn! I’m actually beyond impressed that you’re posting so frequently still…or even posting at all. That first trimester is very “trying” indeed. But it’s special too, in its own way. Rest up and stay healthy, friend! I think of you often these days…
I had an eight year gap in between my last two children and even though it was my third pregnancy everything was unknown and scary. I would like one more, and not too spaced out this time. I was hoping that the next one would not be so scary, but I think every pregnancy is full of worry and anticipation. I hope you start feeling better and can take the time to enjoy your pregnancy. My son is 14 months now and I am starting to want another but I also want to wait. I will just live vicariously through your pregnancy for now!
I was not a happy pregnant person and it frightened my mom’s friend so much because she thought everyone should be ecstatic. She thought I wouldn’t bond with the baby. In all actuality, I didn’t mind carrying a child. I loved it. I did not like having to be poked in certain places. I didn’t like discovering that orange juice all of a sudden made me violently ill. I didn’t enjoy the weight gain. But, when Todd was born after an extremely hard delivery, all of the things I didn’t like melted away. There are 5 years between my children, and I distinctly remember wondering why I would choose to go through that again. And again, when Alec was born that all melted away. I had a tubal after Alec and regretted for a long time because I would have chosen to do it again. I pray all goes well and that whatever “side effects” from being pregnant go away quickly.
Hi pretty kate,
hw ar u today