Role Model – a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people.
“Who is your role model?” I remember being asked that question many times growing up. A parent? A teacher? A coach? An athlete? I never quite understood the purpose of that question. As if stating that fact justified my words or actions. And yet, I find myself routinely reflecting on my role as a mother. Am I a good role model for my son? Am I teaching him enough, reading to him enough, playing with him enough, loving him enough, disciplining him enough (hubby says no), and the list goes on and on.
In an imperfect world, as an imperfect person, I am aiming to be a perfect mother. And I fail every day. I try to give myself some slack…I’m almost 8 months pregnant I tell myself. I’m uncomfortable. My back hurts. I’m tired. I’m hormonal. The list goes on and on. But that just doesn’t feel right at the end of the day. I want to be the perfect mother…I want to be the answer to that question one day. I want to be a good role model for my son. As a wife…as a mother…as a person.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how my husband and I are raising our little boy. Everything we do and say is being closely studied by a particular two year old. The other day I had to catch myself. Just before my son made his way downstairs I heard a loud “smack” on our laminate floor. I look down, afraid of what I already know. There lies his sippy cup, half-juice, half-water, covering a large part of our floor. I’m about to have a talk with him about throwing things….it may include a time out. But then I think about why he would do such a thing. And it dawns on me. Observing my husband and I throw laundry in a similar fashion to avoid carrying the basket downstairs has taught him two things. First, that throwing things…anything…is acceptable. And second, that it’s a game…something funny. So while the conversation had to take place in that moment…the one about not throwing things downstairs…I also had to have one with my husband and myself.
That was just one of many conversations I expect we’ll have over the years. And it got me thinking about my role as a parent. It’s a huge responsibility (need I even say that?). It’s no longer about my husband and I anymore. We have to be mindful of everything we say and do. We are our children’s role models right now. Do we have to “change” the way we act? Maybe. I hope that I’m a different person today than I was ten years ago. And maybe in ten years, when our son’s teacher asks him who was one of his role models growing up, one of us will come to mind…even if it’s just a thought that never gets shared with anyone else.
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What a great post! Such wonderful comments and thoughts. Nobody can be the perfect anything, so you need to cut yourself some slack, and I think that the fact that you are even thinking of these things shows what a spectacular mother you are!!
I often think about this because my first husband, the boys father (aka, the sperm donor) and I were divorced when the boys were very young. Several people even asked me if I couldn’t have stayed together for the kids. Their father was an emotional abuser of women and I HAD to get out of their FOR the sake of the boys. I was in NO condition to take them with me full time, but I made sure that they understood the correct way to treat women and behave as men.
Looking back now that they are grown, I think I did OK considering who I was and what I had to deal with… I am just like you, though, I hope I did enough. But that is all that we can do, our best, and pray!
I really enjoyed reading this post, thanks for sharing.