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Growing up as an only child afforded me the opportunity to spend significant amounts of time with each of my parents. My mother had a long commute to work, which meant my father took over the traditional mom-centric duties of packing lunches, school drop-off/pickups, overseeing homework, and cooking meals. My father and I had a great relationship overall, and one that not many children enjoy because of sibling dynamics, career and other life factors.
When I first learned about my father’s diagnosis, I was overwhelmed with shock, fear, and sadness. In the midst of the busyness of life, it’s easy to assume that things will always be as they were. Even into my adulthood, I possessed that childlike idealism that my parents would always be there for me, especially my father, who still took time out of his day to help me with everything from car maintenance to fix-it projects around my home. Unfortunately, his cancer was advanced at the time of diagnosis and he died just 2 short months later.
The Fall is always a difficult time of year for my family, particularly my mom and I. It is a season of immense joy and thankfulness, shadowed by the absence of my father. We often don’t know how much time we will have with our friends and family, and having experienced the death of a parent, I walked away with a few life lessons.
7 Things I Learned From Losing a Loved One
1. Life is short, change is certain. Some days, it feels like yesterday when I was painting my father’s fingernails and building pinewood derby cars with him and life seemed simpler. Growing up teaches you to embrace those moments of joy, because life is short and things will not always be as they were
2. Love without abandon. Don’t miss any opportunity to show and tell the people in your life that you love them.
3. Forgive quickly. Life is just too short to hold grudges, and that bitterness that takes root with unforgiveness will rob you of all joy.
4. Take every opportunity to remember those you’ve lost. I used to be afraid to bring up my father with my kids after he had died. I didn’t want them to relive the pain of his loss. The reality is that, after some time had passed, they loved hearing how he made a makeshift track out of cardboard to race cars with my son, joked way more often than he was serious, and enjoyed watching my little girl dance.
5. Time eases the pain of loss. I don’t necessarily agree with the phrase that time heals all wounds, because there are moments when the pain of his death feels raw and the tears that flow down my face are real. I don’t miss him any less, but time has allowed me to process his loss and grieve in a way that allows me to move forward.
6. Loss becomes a part of who you are. I’m forever changed having experienced the death of a loved one. But many of those changes have shaped me into the woman that I am. In many ways, I’m stronger, more compassionate, less consumed by frivolity, and more invested in my relationships. Don’t allow the loss of a loved one to consume you, rather embrace it as part of who you are and become better because of it.
7. Life goes on. My kids were 2 and 4 when my father died. As much as I wanted to sit and cry in my room when my father was dying, I had 2 little people who needed their mommy more than ever during that time. While I believe taking time to grieve and heal is necessary for one’s physical and emotional health, remember that there is a season for grieving…don’t remain stuck in that season because there is life to be lived.
During the time when my father was going through his treatment regimen, I actually put in an inquiry to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America to find out if my father had any other options. With facilities located throughout the country, their approach is to use leading technology to aggressively treat cancer. Their holistic, personalized approach includes nutrition therapy, naturopathic medicine, pain management, mind-body medicine and more with the mindset that every person’s cancer is unique. Because my father’s cancer was advanced, I sought out information from CTCA because their physicians have incredible expertise in treating many forms of cancer, including those that are complex or advanced.
While my father never made it to receive treatment at our local CTCA because of how quickly he deteriorated, I can say with certainty that we would have arranged for him to be treated and cared for by their team of cancer experts. Their Patient Empowered Care approach streamlines the process of managing appointments, receiving communication about your treatment plan from your physician, and receiving services. And when you choose CTCA for treatment and management of cancer, you’ll appreciate the convenience of having all experts and technologies in one place.
I hope that you never have to endure the painful journey that defines cancer, but if you or a loved one has been diagnosed, I encourage you to visit CTCA for a holistic approach to cancer treatment and management.
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Thanks for sharing your personal story. Valuable information for dealing with the grief from losing your dad. I too am an only child and losing my dad has left a pretty big hole. I love your approach to living on and beyond the pain of grief.