The Motherhood Masquerade

This is an original post to Orange County Moms Blog.

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume, Contretemps

On the outside, everything appears to be fine..makeup flawless (covering the dark circles that reveal weeks months years of sleep deprivation), hair styled to a T (did you notice my roots are 2 years old?), freshly washed Gap jeans (I can’t button them, but no one’s looking right?), forgiving blouse covering an abdomen that bears the battle scars of pregnancy (i.e. stretch marks). We arrive at our destination, fashionably (but not embarrassingly) late. And then it begins. The crying…first one and then the other…in unison. I’m about to join in. But I’m the “mother.” I’m supposed to keep it together.

After 30 minutes of crying (all of us…I gave in), the baby is asleep and the toddler is in the stroller, content that he won’t spend the rest of the day tied down in a car seat. I comb through my hair with my fingers and touch up my lip gloss. I take a deep breath and smooth out the wrinkles (lovely…she spit up…but the baby carrier will hide that). I walk to my final destination…now unforgivably late.

“Wow…I don’t know how you do it with a baby and a toddler” I hear that more times than I can count. The truth is, most days, I don’t either. It’s all about appearances…right?

It used to be other people’s children throwing tantrums at the Henry’s or pulling all the toys off the shelves at Target. I’d smile sympathetically at those moms who’s children were misbehaving. Today…it was my children.

As a woman, I’ve always felt that appearances were important. No matter where I went or how I felt, I always “had it together” (at least that’s how I presented myself). So when I go somewhere and my children are not acting like the perfect angels I know they have the potential to be, I get flustered…embarrassed….apologetic. Motherhood is the season of life where I often feel awkward….caught off guard. I stumble…and stutter.

But you’d never know that by looking at me. Because on the outside, I’m calm, cool, and collected. Cold perhaps? That mask keeps people at a distance. Nobody identifies with perfection.

Relationships are formed out of authenticity. It’s in the sharing of how my toddler stuck a crayon up his nose right in front of my face that the masks come off. It’s in the closet confessions of how I rarely get in a shower before noon that we relate to each other. Motherhood at times can be lonely. I find it comforting to know that my toddler isn’t the only one who pushes other children for no reason or plays with poop.

{Photo by djcodrin}

How Savvy Are You? *Giveaway*

This giveaway is now closed. Thanks for stopping by.  The winner is Lo. Congrats!

Parenting requires many virtues…patience, forgiveness…empathy…humor…and a bit of savviness.  More and more, I’m finding that my toddler is on to me.  Like the other day when I told him we were going to have pancakes but then realized we only had waffles.  He KNEW that they weren’t pancakes (duh!).  He’s super smart and attentive and picks up on things very quickly…which means I need to be a step or three ahead of him.

I recently shared some of my favorite tips for traveling with babies and tots.  Evenflo conducted a survey asking parents what concerns them most about traveling with kids.  Here are some of the results, from the company:

The biggest worry parents have when taking car trips is that their young child will be harmed in a collision (76%).

60% of moms and 63% of dads confess installing their car seat was challenging

Adjusting car-seat straps got parents in a tangle the most (60%), followed by making sure the straps were tight enough (48%).

A third (34%) of parents say their child has wiggled out of their car seat and one-fifth of parents admit this happens at least once a week.

Some 48% of parents worry about keeping their child entertained while in their car seat, 34% worry that their little one will wiggle out of the car seat and 32% worry their child will have a temper tantrum.

72% of parents stock the car with toys, 54% rely on Cheerios and Goldfish snacks, 46% sing silly songs, 36% play DVDs and 27% keep books on hand.

Attending to a baby while driving causes 38% to miss their exit once in a while, and 12% to miss their exit often and has caused 38% of parents to get lost.

Evenflo has created a Savvy Parenting site, filled with witty episodes, support, advice, and entertainment.  They even have a blog, featuring guest bloggers (some of whom you may know).

Win It! One savvy reader will win The Ultimate Savvy Parent’s Car Kit which includes the following ($100 value):

• $25 Gas Gift Card, a little treat for mom and dad
• Moist Wipes, for quick car clean up
• Baby Mirror, to check out rear-facing baby while driving
• Soft Book, to secure safety of passengers when thrown during tantrum
• Kid/Parent Friendly CD, to inspire a family sign along
• Car Dustbuster, for hunting down cheerios between seats
• Window Shade, to keep the hot summer sun out
• Animal Crackers and a Snack Trap, to carve cravings
• Car organizer, to keep it all arranged neatly!

Simply visit the site.  Then come back and leave a comment with something you liked or learned from the site. Comments will close on July 17, 2010 at 11:59 PM PST.  US residents only. Duplicates and comments not including the above information will be disqualified. Comments are moderated. If you don’t see your comment in a reasonable amount of time, send me an email. Bloggers and non-bloggers may enter. If you don’t want to leave your email address, please be sure to check back for my announcement on the winner. Please note that winners must respond within 48 hours of being announced/contacted or another winner will be drawn. Want an extra entry? Do any or all of the following and receive an extra entry for each one.

Be sure to leave me a separate comment for each additional entry.

Follow Evenflo on Twitter

Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about the contest.

Subscribe to my feed via email or reader.

Blog about this giveaway. It doesn’t have to be a separate post. Just include a blurb about it when you blog about other giveaways.

Click on one of the very cute buttons below and digg, stumble, fav, etc. Just let me know what you did in the comments!

No compensation was received for this post.  The giveaway was sponsored by Evenflo.

Baby Looney Tunes Happily Healthy – Week 6 *Giveaway*

This giveaway is now closed. Thanks for stopping by.  The winner is Linda K. Congrats.

Don’t you just love feeding babies? We just started our little girl on solids and I think we’ve enjoyed it more than she has.  When my son was a baby, we attempted (unsuccessfully) to make his baby food. Perhaps if I would have followed Dra. Aliza’s advice I may have been more successful.

Each week, Dra. Aliza offers education and advice to new and expectant parents.  If you have a question for Dra. Aliza, be sure to post it on their Facebook page.  You can read more about the program in my initial post.

Be sure to check out their Facebook page which includes links to important tips and information.

And since this is the sixth week of the program’s launch, I have another Looney Tunes’ themed giveaway for you!  And don’t forget you still have time to enter to win an entire crib makeover.

Win It! One of you will win a Baby Looney Tunes Gift Set (including bottles, bib, rattle). Simply visit their Facebook/Twitter page to find the key word of the week (there will be one each week, announced on each Tuesday).  Then send an email to giveaways@rockinmama.net to let me know what the word is (be sure to include the number of the week you’re entering….that’s 6 this week!).  This contest will run until next Tuesday.  US residents only.  Comments are moderated. If you don’t see your comment in a reasonable amount of time, send me an email. Bloggers and non-bloggers may enter. If you don’t want to leave your email address, please be sure to check back for my announcement on the winner. Please note that winners must respond within 48 hours of being announced/contacted or another winner will be drawn. Want an extra entry? Do any or all of the following and receive an extra entry for each one.

Be sure to leave me a separate comment for each additional entry.

Follow Baby Looney Tunes on Twitter and tweet about the contest (weekly entries via Twitter)

Like Baby Looney Tunes on Facebook

Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about the contest

Subscribe to my feed via email or reader.

Blog about this giveaway. It doesn’t have to be a separate post. Just include a blurb about it when you blog about other giveaways.

Click on one of the very cute buttons below and digg, stumble, fav, etc. Just let me know what you did in the comments!

No compensation was received for this post.  I am participating in an 8 week campaign with Warner Bros. and Baby Looney Tunes.

I Love the Way…

Your curly hair frames your face

Your brown eyes light up when you’re happy

You wake up singing each morning

You want to “do it all by yourself” one minute and “be a baby” the next

You want to help out with your baby sister by giving her the paci or her bunny

You play pretend with your trains

You giggle

You want to help mommy and daddy out with everything (especially when we bake together)

You remember what mommy and daddy tell you (especially when we tell you we’re going to Disneyland)

You creatively use things in ways I could never imagine

You ask mommy and daddy to draw things like trains and Dora

You repeat things that mommy and daddy say (it’s funny and it keeps us on our toes to be mindful of what comes out of our mouths)

You climb into and out of your highchair (how did you learn how to do that?)

You cuddle with us at night while we’re reading

Josh at 2 1/2

I Love The Way…

You scoot to snuggle with me at night…despite the fact that I put you on your back to sleep between daddy and I.

You turn over on to your belly to sleep (just like your brother…and your mommy like to sleep).

You can be asleep peacefully next to me one minute and bright-eyed the next, the moment I wake up.

You squeal every morning for about 15 minutes in sheer happiness before drifting off to your morning nap.

You follow your brother around the room with your eyes…smiling and cooing to get his attention.

You move your arms and legs when you’re excited.

You pause while you’re nursing to smile at me.

You mysteriously manage to take off your mittens to chew on your hand.

You suck on your middle two fingers (so cute!).

You coo to get daddy’s attention.

You giggle when I kiss your cheek and neck.

Your hair sticks up in the back.

You smell.

Your bright eyes and infectious smile make even the most difficult days joyful.

Cate at 3 1/2 months

My {Not So} Shining Mommy Moments

It was supposed to be a great day.  How could it not be, when we started out the morning with Cinnamon Pancakes.  I know he’s been feeling the effects of my divided attention.  He’s been the center of my world for the past 2 1/2 years.  Now there is this other person…taking his place in mommy and daddy’s bed…strapped to mommy where he once was…nursing in mommy’s lap where he always sits…  We’ve both try to make sure he is getting plenty of hugs, kisses, and love…plenty of books and play time with each of us.  But he is craving our attention…our undivided attention.

I sit him down with crayons and proceed to nurse the baby.  She’s fussing and I’m distracted.  My son is at an age where he prefers that mommy and daddy draw pictures (rather than drawing them himself).  I explain to him that I’m nursing the baby and will draw with him once I’m finished.  I’m still distracted with my daughter.  He knows I’m distracted.  He’s quiet (always a bad sign) and I don’t notice it until it’s too late.  He apparently manages to break the tip off the crayon (something I didn’t readily observe in that moment). By the time I look over at him, the crayon is already on it’s way up (his nose, that is).  I begin to panic…and it is apparent in my tone as I beg my son not to continue with this venture. “Do I put the crayon up my nose?”  he asks.  He’s calm…he’s smiling.  I’m panicking.  “No, I say loudly…”We don’t put crayons in our nose.” In seconds I’m pulling the baby off, trying to put her in the swing so I can avoid this potential crisis.  It’s too late.  My overreacting has led to a lodged crayon.  The baby is now hysterical and I’m about to join her.

The rational side of me knows that I should not attempt to dislodge it.  But I’m already marching him up the stairs with a plan that involves a tweezer.  Failed.  I’m too much of a coward to attempt such a feat.  With tears in my eyes, I call my Pediatrician, shamefully explaining how I have failed as a mother.  The nurse asks me several questions, including the one where I tell her that I observed the whole, ridiculous event…unable to change the outcome.

We get in the car, my daughter and I both unsettled.  As I drive to my Pediatrician’s office, my mind is flooded with questions, my eyes flooded with tears.  Where did he learn how to put an object in his nose?  Why didn’t he listen when I told him to stop?  Where did I fail as a mom? My son, by the way, is smiling and oblivious to what is about to happen once we reach the Pediatrician’s office.  He’s just happy he’s going to see “Dr. Bob.”

After spending what feels like an eternity, waiting to be squeezed in, we meet with the doctor. Right before he walks in, I have a heart-to-heart with my 2 year old.  “Dr. Bob is going to help you find your crayon, but you need to listen to him and stay very, very still.”  “Ok mommy,” he says…and I think to some extent, he understands the seriousness of what’s about to ensue.  The doctor walks in and there is discussion of my failure what happened and his plan for “finding my son’s lost crayon.”  I ask the question I already know the answer to…”What happens if you can’t dislodge it?”  I shudder as he confirms…a trip to the hospital for sedation and a scope.

I sit my son in my lap, holding him, knowing that success depends on his ability to stay still.  The first attempt is unsuccessful.  It’s packed in there tighter than we thought.  The Dr. goes to get a different instrument and I give my son another pep talk.  I’m scared for him.  But after a few minutes, he grasps the crayon and I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

On that day, I felt like a complete failure as a mom.  I still run over the scenario in my mind about what I could have done differently.   Thankfully, my pediatrician was gracious…my husband forgiving.  And I am comforted by those moms who have gone before me with similar stories (special thanks to the mom who sat with me while I waited and told me about the time her son put a tic tac up his nose).

Role Model

Role Model – a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people.

Dictionary.com

“Who is your role model?”  I remember being asked that question many times growing up.  A parent?  A teacher?  A coach?  An athlete?  I never quite understood the purpose of that question.  As if stating that fact justified my words or actions.  And yet, I find myself routinely reflecting on my role as a mother.  Am I a good role model for my son?  Am I teaching him enough, reading to him enough, playing with him enough, loving him enough, disciplining him enough (hubby says no), and the list goes on and on.  

In an imperfect world, as an imperfect person, I am aiming to be a perfect mother.  And I fail every day.  I try to give myself some slack…I’m almost 8 months pregnant I tell myself.  I’m uncomfortable.  My back hurts.  I’m tired.  I’m hormonal.  The list goes on and on.  But that just doesn’t feel right at the end of the day.  I want to be the perfect mother…I want to be the answer to that question one day.  I want to be a good role model for my son.  As a wife…as a mother…as a person.  

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my husband and I are raising our little boy.  Everything we do and say is being closely studied by a particular two year old.  The other day I had to catch myself.  Just before my son made his way downstairs I heard a loud “smack” on our laminate floor.  I look down, afraid of what I already know.  There lies his sippy cup, half-juice, half-water, covering a large part of our floor.  I’m about to have a talk with him about throwing things….it may include a time out.  But then I think about why he would do such a thing.  And it dawns on me.  Observing my husband and I throw laundry in a similar fashion to avoid carrying the basket downstairs has taught him two things.  First, that throwing things…anything…is acceptable.  And second, that it’s a game…something funny.  So while the conversation had to take place in that moment…the one about not throwing things downstairs…I also had to have one with my husband and myself.  

That was just one of many conversations I expect we’ll have over the years.  And it got me thinking about my role as a parent.  It’s a huge responsibility (need I even say that?).  It’s no longer about my husband and I anymore.  We have to be mindful of everything we say and do. We are our children’s role models right now.  Do we have to “change” the way we act?  Maybe.  I hope that I’m a different person today than I was ten years ago.  And maybe in ten years, when our son’s teacher asks him who was one of his role models growing up, one of us will come to mind…even if it’s just a thought that never gets shared with anyone else.  

Toddler Moments: Why You Shouldn’t Underestimate Your Child

When did he learn how to unzip my purse (or unzip ANYTHiNG for that matter). It’s not like I sat down with him one day and gave him a lesson on zippers.  And since when is my purse a TOY?  Note to self: Put EVERYTHING away, even if you don’t think he’s capable of getting into it.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked my 2 year old a few mornings ago.  Pancakes!  Of course…everyday it’s pancakes or blueberry muffins or some other sweet carbohydrate that will take me 20 minutes to make and another to clean up.  How can I say no?  Fortunately, we have some mix left over from the DELICIOUS Pumpkin Pie Waffles I made the other day.  Another note to self:  Waffle mix is NOT the same as pancake mix.  Mickey is on his choo choo chugging along so all is well (don’t ask).  I set to work making “pancakes.”  It shouldn’t take too long, I rationalize.  I’d like to mention that I don’t make it a habit of leaving my 2 year old unattended.  In fact, it’s really quite the opposite.  My husband is always chiding me about what a mama’s boy he is because we spend so much time together.  Sometimes he doesn’t even want daddy when he comes home.  But I digressed.  Pancakes…Mickey…silence.  Something is not right.

I walk over to the living room (which is like 25 feet away) to see what my son is up to.  Silence is NEVER a good thing with my son….NEVER.  Bad things happen when it’s quiet.  I walk over to him and find him in my purse…remember my zipper story above?  “What are you doing?” I ask him cautiously.  “I’m brushing hair” he says, smiling.  Now….this would be perfectly acceptable if he wasn’t brushing his hair with a mascara wand…a patch of his brown hair is now black…along with his hands.  Sigh.  “I need to wash hands” he says, looking up at me.  That’s not the only thing that needs washing.  I walk him over to the sink to work on getting the black mess off of his hands and out of his hair.  And now I have to buy another tube of mascara!

So…what has your child done lately? Humor me!

Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht:The Wedding Giveaway

This giveaway is now closed.  Thanks for stopping by!  The winners are Carol, Tiffany S, and Sarah.  Congrats!

I just told you about a A Baby Story, a fabulous reality-based TV show on TLC.  Well, Genius Products and TLC will also release Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht” Season 4, Volume 1: The Wedding on May 5.  Having one toddler keeps me busy enough.  I can’t imagine having 6 the same age AND a set of twins all under the age of eight!  If you’ve yet to see the show, I highly recommend it. But just be warned that it’s addicting!  Here is a little more information about the show from the site:

Growing another year older, the adorably chaotic Gosselin clan returns for a monumental year of more fun.  Quick on their feet, the Gosselins learn as they go and always manage to stay ahead of the eight-year-old twins and four-year-old sextuplets that outnumber them four-to-one.  Follow the Gosselins as they plan for the biggest vacation of their lives and make plans to relocate their entire family to another state, all while continuing to ensure their brood has a happy, normal childhood.  Hardly the typical American family, Jon and Kate never cease to amaze and inspire parents everywhere with their child-rearing philosophies and unsurpassed organization.

Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht” Season 4, Volume 1: The Wedding is a three-disc set featuring 23 episodes and will retail for $27.95.

Win It! Three of you will win a copy of Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht” Season 4, Volume 1: The Wedding.  Simply head on over to the site and then come back here to leave me a comment about your favorite aspect of the show.  Comments will close on May 8, 2009 at 10 PM PST.  One comment per person, please (unless you do the extra credit). US residents only. Duplicates and comments not including the above information will be disqualified. Comments are moderated. If you don’t see your comment in a reasonable amount of time, send me an email. Bloggers and non-bloggers may enter. If you don’t want to leave your email address, please be sure to check back for my announcement on the winner. Please note that winners must respond within 48 hours of being announced/contacted or another winner will be drawn.

Want an extra entry? Do any or all of the following and receive an extra entry for each one.

Be sure to leave me a separate comment for each additional entry.

Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about the contest.

Subscribe to my feed via email or reader.

Blog about this giveaway. It doesn’t have to be a separate post. Just include a blurb about it when you blog about other giveaways.

Place my button on your site. If you have difficulty, please let me know.

Click on one of the very cute buttons below and digg, stumble, fav, etc. Just let me know what you did in the comments!

A Baby Story: First Time Parents Giveaway

This giveaway is now closed.  Thanks for stopping by.  The winners are Kimberly, Ed N, and Amanda U.  Congrats!

On May 5, TLC and Genius Products will release A Baby Story:  First Time Parents.  I don’t know about you but I LOVE watching the reality-based shows on TLC. In fact, two years ago (in June) my husband, son and I were on Bringing Home Baby (episode NICU Nurse’s First).  Both of these shows are designed to give parents a first-hand, insider’s look as to what it’s REALLY like to have a baby.  A Baby Story “takes viewers inside on an intimate and emotional journey by profiling couples’ experiences from the final weeks of pregnancy through the first weeks of a new life.”   I commend these couples for allowing us into such a personal life event.  I recommend that all parents watch the shows as they’re highly educational.  Here is a little more information about the soon-to-be released DVD.

Share in the experience and all the emotions parents feel when they first greet their newborn.  From the final weeks of pregnancy through the first weeks of a new life, TLC’s Emmy Award-winning series “A Baby Story” goes inside the delivery room for a first-hand look at the drama of labor and the joy of the unforgettable birth moment.  Chronicling soon-to-be parents from all walks of life, “A Baby Story: First Time Parents” is a colorful collection of heart-warming tales detailing events leading up to and shortly after the arrival of each family’s new addition.

What a wonderful Mother’s Day gift this set would make, especially for first-time moms!  A Baby Story: First Time Parents will be available for $14.95.

Win It! Three of you will win a copy of A Baby Story: First Time Parents.  Simply head on over to TLC and then come back and leave me a comment with something you liked or learned!  Comments will close on May 7, 2009 at 10 PM PST.  One comment per person, please (unless you do the extra credit). US residents only. Duplicates and comments not including the above information will be disqualified. Comments are moderated. If you don’t see your comment in a reasonable amount of time, send me an email. Bloggers and non-bloggers may enter. If you don’t want to leave your email address, please be sure to check back for my announcement on the winner. Please note that winners must respond within 48 hours of being announced/contacted or another winner will be drawn.

Want an extra entry? Do any or all of the following and receive an extra entry for each one.

Be sure to leave me a separate comment for each additional entry.

Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about the contest.

Subscribe to my feed via email or reader.

Blog about this giveaway. It doesn’t have to be a separate post. Just include a blurb about it when you blog about other giveaways.

Place my button on your site. If you have difficulty, please let me know.

Click on one of the very cute buttons below and digg, stumble, fav, etc. Just let me know what you did in the comments!

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